


East of the Sun and West of the Moon

by onychophoran (batty42)



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Fractured Fairy Tale, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-17
Updated: 2010-12-17
Packaged: 2017-10-13 17:52:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/140048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batty42/pseuds/onychophoran
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Very Metal Fairy Tale. (Slashy retelling of East of the Sun and West of the Moon, Dethklok style)</p>
            </blockquote>





	East of the Sun and West of the Moon

**Author's Note:**

> There is accompanying art by Crow821(livejournal) at http://pics.livejournal.com/crow821/pic/0003qqdg

Once upon a time a bunch of villages got together and decided it would be more cost effective if they housed all the village idiots together. This was seen as a great idea all around and a small manor was constructed in the middle of a dense, dark, uninhabited woods. The five villages sent an idiot apiece. One village sent a grown man with the mind of a child. Another sent the town drunk. The third sent a violent recluse and the forth took the opportunity not some much to rid it's self of the town idiot as of a rather handsome young man who may not have been particularly bright but was by no means stupid and had worked his way into the beds of every women in the village regardless of age or marital status. The last might not have actually been an idiot at all but he rarely spoke so it was hard to tell.

They were all left in that house in the center of the woods with the promise of regular deliveries of supplies as long as they never left the woods and returned home. This suited everyone just fine and the villages never had to worry about stupidity related property damage or paternity suits ever again. They were free to live out their prosaic little lives, devoid of unexpected happenings. Each day resembling both the one before it and the one after, uninterrupted by insane antics. And if they were happy that way, it was their loss.

Now the village idiots were a different story all together. Each day was full of exciting new catastrophe. Between the five of them they managed to get into all sorts of trouble that no one could have achieved on their own. Together they discovered that they could make the most wonderful noise. With no other people around to complain they could carry on and make music until the wee hours of the morning. This upset the local wild life but the occasional wolf attack just made life all the more interesting. They grew close as brothers and soon forgot about the lives they had once had outside the forest. Unfortunately for them, so too did the very villagers that were supposed to bring them supplies and food.

As their food stores dwindled and they found themselves out of both the wine and the ale, the five of them lay down upon the forest bed and cursed every last living thing in the woods before sobriety claimed them.

Now as I have said before these were deep dark woods and they were the sole humans living there. They were not, however the only inhabitants. Deep within the very same woods lived a creature of great power and ancient magicks. He had been aware of the human intrusion into his woods but paid it little mind until the day that the booze ran out and their ineffectual curses were heard in every corner of the forest.

Changing himself into a great grey wolf with the easy that you or I might change sweaters, he leapt in to the forbidding underbrush which seemed to part and allow him to pass unfettered. The trees in the forest were very old, and as such they were very wise. They could sense when the breeze would be light and when the storm would bring such force as they must bend or be snapped in two. When the wizard moved through the forest they could sense that he was a force worth bending to.

Arriving at the clearing which marked the house of men, the great wolf stopped. The five men were sprawled out in the dirt in posses of tortured repose. Their constant cursing had been replaced with low moans of a most piteous quality. The great wizard could not at first determine the source of their great pain. The house stood proud and sturdy in the little clearing. With the keen senses of the wolf whose form he wore he could smell food in the cellar. None of them appeared to be outwardly injured. Taking another keen wolf sniff he caught the whispers of stale beer. Oh, so that's what all the noise was about. Silly creatures these humans were.

Rising to his true form, not the truest of true forms, but the one that would have to suffice, he shook himself free of the lingering fur. He wore his black wizard's suit with the blood stained noose hanging from his neck. Where the head would have been on you or I sat a grimacing half rotten skull with the flesh hanging off in places. Nailed crudely into his exposed skull were many differently sized horns and spikes. All in all he knew that he was a frightful sight to behold. He approached the little house and its inhabitants still wallowing in misery.

"Dood I think I'm hallucinating from lacka booze!" The first one to spot the wizard shouted.

"I don't know, are you seeing the most metal thing ever?"

"Ja, I am tokally seen somekings metals."

The five exiled idiots gathered around the wizard more curious than fearful. The wizard felt the stirrings of an old half forgotten curse sing through his veins. What had started as a low hum, barely noticeable, increasing in urgency the closer he got to the house was now a symphony as he stared at one human in particular.

Damn.

Swiftly changing tactics the wizard forced his grim visage into the most amicable smile he could manage, which is quite a feat when your face is nothing but bones and spiky rot.

"Good evening gentlemen," the wizard began. "I believe I have something that you will find most interesting." From an inner pocket of his robe he pulled out a finely decorated flask. "This flask, that I have here in my hand, is no ordinary flask. It will pour an unending supply of whatever liquid the holder request. With a single word it could empty the Nile and refill its banks with the sweetest of liquors." The men were all clamoring for a closer look at this new wonder. Shouts of 'gimme gimme' echoed from five different voices. Holding the flask out of their reach he requested an empty glass. The youngest was sent off in search of it and returned with great haste. Taking the glass from him the wizard bayed the flask produce a rich, stout ale. He poured it into the glass and handed it to the balding redhead.

Taking at first a tentative sip he then cheered. "Holy shit doods, it's booze!" before he could finish off the remainder of the glass the wizard took it back and pour in out on to the ground.

There was a unified shout of outrage in five separate voices.

"He ams wastkings all the boozes!"

The pudgy one with the triangle hair went so far as to fling himself to the ground to try and drink from the moist dirt.

Unconcerned, the wizard asked the flask for port and a rich red liquid poured into the glass. Reaching for it all at once the glass spilt covering them all in sticky red liquor. The wizard stilled this breathing to double check. Yes, his blood was quite certain, it would have to be him.

The demonstration had been enough to prove that the flask was the genuine article. They reached for the flask once more, begging, pleading, claiming that they would pay any price.

These were just the words the wizard had been waiting to hear. "I will give you the flask," he said. "On one condition. That you," at this he turned to face the biggest of the men, the one with the long dark hair, "come live with me in my castle and agree to be mine."

"Dood that's gay!" shouted the ugly fat one.

There was a murmur of discontent among them and they huddled together to discuss it.

While he was waiting the wizard requested a fifty year old brandy and took a contented sip. My, but that was good brandy. He would be sorry to see the flask go.

The men came back to him. The tall one he had made such shocking demands of steeped forward. "So would we have to, ya know..." he made a descriptive hand motion that would have made the wizard blush had there been any flesh on the exposed bones of his face. Something deeply repressed and long forgotten stirred with the wizard. Like a half remembered song he replied with unusual virtue, "I would never force someone to do something like that against their will."

"Will there be booze?"

Shaking off the strange virtuous feeling the wizard could not completely reconcile with himself, he replied in the affirmative.

So it was decided. Nathan, the one the wizard had requested, would go live with him in exchange for never ending booze.

The wizard turned himself back into a great gray wolf. Nathan bayed good bye to his friends and companions in exile, climbed upon the wolf's back and took off.

The wizard's home was dark and imposing. The withered old trees surrounding it curved inward hiding the castle from outside view. The rooms were cavernous and empty of life. The wizard, once again a grim visage of exposed bone directed Nathan to a bleak bedroom and left him to get situated.

Now this is the part of the fairytale where the heroine weeps piteously and we all feel sorrow for her plight. Unfortunately, no one had told Nathan that he was now the heroine in a fairy tale. So instead of weeping and lamenting he poked around the room, found nothing of interest and went off to explore the castle for entertainment and/or booze.

He eventually found his way to the kitchen where he encountered his first servant. The servants of the castle were little more than piles of bone covered by the full face mask of an executioner's hood animated by the darkest magick. The faceless servants moved about the kitchen preparing the evening meal. Attempts to talk to them were unsuccessful but after much searching Nathan managed to find the booze. He proceeded to get hammered.

When the morning came Nathan found himself back in the room that the wizard had shown him to.

The days went on in much the same fashion with Nathan exploring and drinking until he passed out and wound up back in the same room each morning. The castle was empty save for the faceless servants and the missing wizard. Nathan hadn't seen his host since he first arrived. He had explored room after room of the great castle but found no trace of the wizard.

One day after he had grown truly bored and tired of shouting at the irresponsive servants, he decided to stop drinking early and just go to bed. Shortly after he had dozed off he was woken by the sounds of someone sliding into bed next to him. Jumping to action at sound, he tackled the intruder to the cold hard floor.

"What are you doing?" shouted the intruder.

Though the light was dim and hard to see by, Nathan could tell that the man underneath him was not a hooded servant or the grim faced wizard.

"Who are you?" Nathan asked.

"I'm... right that's not important. Let me go." the voice was so commanding he had no choice but to listen.

"Right, I take it you're not drunk? I would have tried to be quieter except you're always so drunk it didn't seem to matter."

Nathan was horrified. "You've been sneaking into my room while I'm passed out like some sneaky... sneaking thing?"

"No I've been sneaking in to my own room; you're the one who's always passed out drunk in my bed."

This must have been some cruel trick played on them both by the evil wizard. Nathan groaned and smothered himself with a pillow. He missed his home in the wood and his friends and the loud noises they could make that passed for music if you were very drunk. He wanted to get away from these complications with the wizard even if he did get all the booze he could drink. But most of all he wanted to punch something.

"Look, the wizard was going to tell you but you're always either too drunk or asleep when he comes round."

"Are you a prisoner too?"

Not that it could be seen in the dark, but the mystery man cringed. "Yes and no. I'm a prisoner, true, but it's not the wizard who keeps me here. He's more like- like my avatar."

Nathan had no idea what an avatar might be.

"He takes care of me." the mystery man explained. "I think he brought you here because I was lonely." and as the mystery man said those words he suddenly realized that they were true.

Nathan and the mystery man talked long into night and until the wee hours of the morning. When questioned about himself the mystery man would only said that he couldn't say and no he couldn't say why he couldn't say. Before the first light of morning the mystery man left, offering no explanation.

From then on Nathan made it a point not to be so drunk he slept through the night and missed his mysterious guest again. They would often talk long into to the night, Nathan telling stories of his life in exile and the friends he had lived with. Though Nathan never saw his mysterious guest's face or even learned his name he grew to feel a particularly brutal, totally unmetal feeling toward him. He was even persuaded to forgive the wizard for having trapped him in the castle. During the day when the mystery guest was nowhere to be found, Nathan would bother the wizard sitting at an old oak desk in his office and at night he would meet with Noname and the unmetal feelings in his chest would grow more and more brutal. It was a good life but as time went on he found he missed his fellow exiled idiots and drinking companions more and more until finally one day he found himself quite unable to move from despair.

Noname, the midnight visitor, beseeched Nathan tell him what was wrong.

"I miss those idiots from back in the woods. I miss Pickles and his constant drinking. I miss the way Skwisgaar thinks he's better than everybody else. I miss the way Toki would try to pet the stray wolves when they growled. I even miss Murderface and his horrible smells. You're great and all, but it's not the same."

Noname grew very quiet at this and left his side long before dawn.

That day the wizard sent one of his hooded servants to fetch Nathan to the office.

"So I ah, hear you miss your friends." the wizard said from behind his massive desk.

Nathan grunted. He still didn't completely trust the wizard after having been kidnapped.

The wizard carried on. "I've ah, sent word to your friends-"

Nathan interrupted him. "I don't have friends, friends aren't brutal."

"Well ah, anyway I've asked that your housemates come stay with us, here at the castle. They've accepted and they're ready to move in but there is one condition."

Nathan nodded his head, ready to do anything to have someone to drink with again.

"You must never, ever tell them about the man who comes to visit you at night. If you do bad things will happen. Bad for you and ah, everyone else."

Nathan agreed and by that afternoon his old housemates were once more with him.

It was wonderful having them back. They prowled around the castles, drinking to excess and bothering the hooded servants. When night fell Nathan retired to his room early claiming an excess of excitement and drink had made him sleepy. There on the bed waiting for him was Noname. Nathan hadn't been lying about having too much to drink, so without saying a word or trying to wake the resting Noname, Nathan swooped down and kissed him. It was like a million different things all at once. It was like bells ringing and hellions screaming. The first sip of wine after a long day and a raging tempest out at sea. It was like singeing flesh that cried out to be burned. Noname, who hadn't really been asleep, only resting his eyes, kissed back with all his might and it was all those things and more. One thing lead to another, and then it lead there again and Nathan couldn't for the life of him remember why it had taken him so long to do this.

The next morning Noname stayed until the last moment before the first light of dawn shone through the window. Nathan showed up to breakfast with the look of a man who had gotten laid.

"Dude, you got laid!"

"What, no I didn't"

But they knew him too well and were all able to tell. They bothered and hammered at him all throughout breakfast, trying to determine the identity of the lucky lady.

"Ams there the creepy faceless servants but what with the boobs?" asked Skwisgaar considering the possibilities.

"No, dude, you can't sleep with the Klokateers."

To prove his point he grabbed the nearest cloaked servant to reveal the unspeakable horrors hidden behind the robes.

Three of the four newcomers puked on the spot. The one not puking stared in awe.

"Wowwe"

"Yah, no sexing the help."

Not dropping the subject they kept at it all day and finally worn down to the point of exhaustion, Nathan caved. He explained about Noname the mysterious stranger. After they had heard his story they began to jeer. They taunted him about being so hard up for sex he would sleep with a guy. They mock the part where were they had long conversation late into the night. But most of all they poked fun at Nathan for having never even seen the mystery man's face. For all Nathan knew he could be a butterface. He could even be a troll. So they told Nathan that what he had to do was sneak a bit of candle into the bed chamber, wait until Noname had fallen asleep, then light the candle and gaze upon the troll who had shared his bed. While Nathan insisted that Noname was no troll, he still took the bit of candle when pressed and promised to report back in the morning.

That night after a bit of vigorous exercise Noname lay contentedly at Nathan's side. He was curled into Nathan, using his chest for a pillow. Nathan ran a hand over his bare shoulder. It felt smooth and very human under his finger tips. Surely if his companion was really a troll he would feel something. Some sign like scaly skin or coarse troll hair. He'd heard somewhere that trolls lacked toes. He was quite certain that Noname had toes. That night while they had been fucking, Noname spread on his back, legs wrapped around Nathan's waist, Nathan had taken one of those smooth legs, with just a fine layer of very human hair and kissed his way knee to sole. He was quite sure he'd felt toes at the time. There was no way Noname could be a troll, Nathan would just light the candle, get a good look, report back to his friends and this would all be over. He could go back to long adventure filled days with his friends and nights with his mysterious stranger.

Nathan lit the candle and held it above Noname. As the light touched his companion's face his heart stopped. Noname was no troll at all, far from it. He was the most handsome thing that Nathan had ever seen. He had strong features, a cute nose, and a set jaw. The unmetal feelings he had tried so hard not to name burst forth and demanded attention. It was love at first sight. Overcome by emotion he bent down to kiss the lips he knew so well but was only now seeing for the first time. In his haste he shifted the candle and three drops of hot wax fell on to the sleeping form. Noname snapped awake. Taking in Nathan and the candle he let out a mournful cry of one who has had their heart ripped from their chest.

"What did you do?" he cried. Even twisted as it was by grief and anger Nathan thought it was the most beautiful face he had ever seen. So enthralled by the sight, Nathan cupped one alabaster cheek and stilled the raving lips.

"You're beautiful." he said as if it was the only that mattered.

Noname stilled and looked at him with unending longing.

"Charles." he said. "Since we're already ah, doomed, it's Charles."

"Charles." Nathan whispered in complete awe.

Charles closed his eyes, savoring the way the words sounded. "You couldn't ah, possibly know how much I have longed to here you say that, Nathan."

They kissed again, searing and full of unfulfilled promises. Separating Charles looked at Nathan in complete seriousness. "Look, when the first light breaks through the window, I have to go." Nathan clutched at Charles' hands, as if he could bind him through sheer force of will. "I'm cursed. I've been living here in exile for half a dozen lifetimes. I could only break the curse if I could find and keep my true love for a year a month and a day without ever showing my true face. Now I have to go home and marry a demon." Nathan's heart soared to learn that his horribly unmetal feelings were returned then crashed at the thought of losing him.

"Dude, can't you just, you know not go?" Charles shook his head and Nathan held him close. "What if I hold you so tight come morning you can't escape?"

Nathan held him closer still, till he couldn't breathe.

"It won't work, come morning I have to leave."

"Then I'll find you. Wherever you go, I will find you."

Charles buried his head in Nathan's shoulder, wanting to engrave the feeling into his skin. "You can't, you could walk every inch of the earth twice over and still have far to go. My kingdom is so far away that it is east of the sun and west of the moon."

"Those directions are fucking stupid."

But there was nothing more to say and they embraced with the sort of desperation that only comes from dying.

When Nathan awoke it was all gone. Charles, the castle, the hooded servants. All that remained were Nathan and his friends lying in a clearing in the middle of the woods.

"Dude, what happened?" they asked.

"You guys are idiots, and I'm never listening to you again. He wasn't a troll he was a prince and now the stupid spell is broken and he had to go back to his stupid kingdom where they can't even give god damn directions to marry some other fucking moron and I hate you all."

It was awful. They stood in that depressing little clearing, not knowing what to say. Finally after the wind had howled and the trees had shifted Pickles spoke.

"Dude, we'll get him back."

Toki, a soft touch when he wasn't a mean drunk agreed. Skwisgaar didn't say anything which was sort his way of agreeing too.

Finally unable to take it any longer, Murderface spoke. "This is so fucking unbelievably gay."

And so they went, out of the forest and into the great wide world in search of a kingdom that was east of the sun and west of the moon. They traveled from village to village, playing music to earn their keep. They never went back to the villages that had kicked them out. Why would they? They knew those villages and they knew the prince wasn't there.

They traveled for many days and many nights until at last they heard of an old woman high on a cliff who knew a little bit about everything. They found her sitting under a rocky overhanging holding a golden apple. Skwisgaar, whose peculiar tastes in women had only intensified with isolation, approached the old woman.

"You ams a GMILF," he began to explain.

The old woman, who really did know a little bit about a lot of things held up a hand for silence and motioned Nathan forward.

"You have something you want to ask me?" her voice was like wind howling through the trees.

"Uh…" Nathan began feeling supremely stupid and just the least bit uncomfortable at the way Skwisgaar was eyeing the old woman, "Do you know some dude that lives in a castle that is east of the sun and west of the moon?" After he said it he could feel how stupid the words sounded. "My god, those are retarded direction, what kind of dildo gives directions like that?"

But the little old lady didn't find it weird at all. "I know of a prince whose home is said to be east of the sun and west of the moon. It is said that he is to marry a demon soon." the woman gave Nathan an uncomfortably calculating once over. "Perhaps you are the one who was meant to have the prince?"

Nathan was stunned into silence.

"Dood, little old ladies are creepy observant." commented Pickles.

"That is all I know" the old woman said. "That and that his castle is far away and you will get there too late or never. But take my horse and carriage and ride to my next door neighbor. She's lives over the mountains, in a river in the center of a deep valley and she is older and wiser still than I. When you get there flick my horse behind the ear and he will return to me on his own. I pray that she may help you." The old lady pressed the golden apple into Nathan's hand and instructed him to guard it well for it might help them on their quest. Skwisgaar took a moment to lean in close to the old woman and whisper his deep regret at the lack of time and then they were off.

After ridding for a full day and night without stop they came to a small shack high on stilts in the middle of a rushing river. An old woman was wadding in the shallows combing foam on to shore with a sliver comb.

Skwisgaar again walked right up the old woman and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

The old woman laughed and said, "I'm afraid there isn't time for that, the fish have told me of your plight. You are the one who was meant to have the prince whose kingdom is east of the sun and west of the moon, are you not?"

Deciding to ignore the strangeness of an old lady who talked to fish and combed the waves Nathan asked instead if she knew where he might find his prince.

She wiggled an eyebrow suggestively at the blond but said with regret, "I know only that it is far away and you will get there too late or never but you can borrow my hippocampus and visit my nearest neighbor who lives where the river gets washed out to sea for she is the oldest and wisest of us all. Take my silver comb and good luck on your journey." the old woman handed Nathan the comb and sent them on their way.

It was a long, wet journey on the back of the huge water horse and it took two long days and two long nights to reach the shore. The hippocampus, accustomed to the path dropped them off in front of a sturdy little house in a rocky part of the beach, an old woman stood outside the house, older still than the first two combined. She was bent with age and blind in one eye. Still, Skwisgaar advanced bravely forward. The old woman, unwilling to waste any time at her age dragged him into the shack and for the next few minutes the most hideous sounds were heard and the four on the beach debated whether they could deafen themselves by pouring enough sand in their ears. Toki tried to see if he could punch a wave. When the horrible noises stopped, a satisfied Skwisgaar emerged carrying a crystal spinning wheel under one arm.

"She amn'ts knows your prince. She ams tellkings yous to go theres," and at this he pointed to a cliff that was little more than a speck on the horizon, "and ask the thing what blows."

And since they had come too far to turn around they went. They traveled many days and nights along the beach until they had sand in places they didn't know there could be sand. Murderface complained bitterly until they were forced to fill his mouth with sea weed and Toki befriended a dead jellyfish until it stung him. Finally, they came to the cliff that took three days to climb when you have to carry a golden apple, a sliver comb and a crystal spinning wheel up along with you.

At the top they found the East Wind waiting. Nathan asked him the same question he had asked everybody else.

The East Wind replied that while he had heard of the castle he did not know where it was for he had never blown quite so far as that but if they would stay the night tomorrow he would take them to his brother, the West Wind, who was stronger than him and surely he would know the location of the prince. The next day the wind blew them all the way across the land, over mountains and across streams and landed them at the dwelling of the West Wind.

"Brother," the East Wind said. "This is the one who was meant to have the prince at the castle which is east of the sun and west of the moon, do you know where he might find him?"

The West Wind sadly, did not, for he had never blown so far as that but he had heard the prince's mournful cries, lamenting a love lost too soon.

"Tomorrow I will take them to see our brother the South Wind and see if he knows the location of the castle that is east of the sun and west of the moon."

By this point they were all worn and tired and fed up with things. "Look," they shouted. "We may have the collective intelligence of a six year old, but even a six year old can see this pattern. You're going to take us to the South Wind, he won't know anything and then you'll decide to take us to the North Wind, the most powerful wind of them all. So can we skip that part and go straight to the North Wind?"

The East and West Winds consulted amongst themselves and decided that yes, they could.

The next day with the help of both the East and the West Wind the five of them were blown pass barren desert and snowy wastelands to the home of the North Wind. The North Wind was out bothering some sheep so they rested and regained their strength.

When the North Wind finally arrived he had good news for them. "Yes! Yes, I have been to the castle that is east of the sun and west of the moon. It was after a long bender but I am pretty sure I can find my way back."

So the North Wind and the guys got particularly drunk then they blew round the world. He blew so hard that he knocked over trees and destroyed building but at the end they were there. The far away kingdom that was east of the sun and west of the moon.

They arrived to find themselves just in time for a royal wedding. The prince, who was returned after a great absence, was due to marry a demon. The demon was a hideous thing, with bright orange skin, floppy bags of fat on her chest and a duck shaped mouth, forever scowling. She was running the kingdom ragged, demanding the strangest things in preparation for the wedding. She had offered any reward in the whole kingdom to the person that could bring her a golden apple.

Excited at the stroke of good luck Nathan asked his companions for the apple. They turned to look at Murderface, who had been charged with caring the apple.

"What?" he said, not looking at all ashamed. "I was hungry. If anything I should be pissed at you, that apple was gross."

Heart broken at the loss, Nathan enlisted the others help and tossed Murderface in a trash heap on the outskirts of town.

The next morning, hungover from a night of drinking, they heard that the demon was now looking for a sliver comb that could comb foam on to waves.

Excited once again Nathan sought out Toki to collect the comb that he had been carrying. Toki reached into his pocket to reveal the broken pieces of the once beautiful comb. "It ams was nots as strong as it looks. Sorrys Nathan."

Sensing another pattern emerging Nathan went straight into to town to find Skwisgaar and the crystal spinning wheel. He found Skwisgaar at the bar, macking on hoes, the crystal spinning wheel sitting next to him, still in perfect condition. Not waiting for disaster to strike, he grabbed the spinning wheel and matched right to the place and demanded to see the demon. The guards were impressed with the crystal spinning wheel, in fact they'd heard the demon mention one not a half an hour ago. They lead him into a room where the demon sat.

"Peasant, what do you want for your crystal spinning wheel," she asked, in a voice like nails on a chalk board.

"I want what is rightfully mine, I want Charles."

The demon sneered and looked to a door to the right of the room. "You can't have him. Tomorrow he is to be my husband and once I have my claws into him I will see that he forgets all about you."

The demon was no fool. She knew who stood before her.

Nathan advanced as if to give her the crystal spinning wheel and admit defeat. At the last moment he pulled back and instead bashed her over the head with the crystal spinning wheel. It shattered into a million little pieces. With the demon out cold, Nathan ran into the room he was certain contained Charles. He found him there, asleep on a bed of finery. Past the point of gentle subtlety Nathan grabbed his sleeping prince by the shoulder and tried to wake him.

"Charles! Charles, wake up!" but to no avail. The demon really was no fool. She knew that the prince had a devious mind and if awake would find a way to reunite with his lost love. So she was keeping him in a deeply enchanted sleep until the wedding.

Nathan shouted and pleaded and tore through the room but the prince didn't so much as bat an eye. In the end the guards came and led him away.

The next day, the day of the wedding, Charles awoke from his enchanted sleep to find his room in disarray. Chairs were broken, curtains torn; it was a bit like a localized whirlwind had been through. Charles thought it must have been the demon, venting her spleen over some minor annoyance.

As he dressed for the wedding he began to notice something strange. As soon as they thought he was out of ear shot the servants all began to gossip. It seems he had had a visitor while in his enchanted sleep, a large brute of a man with long black hair.

Nathan!

His heart soared. Despite the great distance Nathan had found him. He must have traveled twice around the world to get here, for that was the only way to reach the kingdom east of the sun and west of the moon.

Before the wedding he went to see his demonic bride.

"I'm feeling a bit lethargic from having slept so long. I hear tell there is a band at the inn who could wake the dead with their playing, pray send for them and allow them to play before the wedding so that I don't fall back to sleep before we can become man and wife."

Overjoyed at the prince's change of heart and willingness to be wed, the demon sent a man at once to collect the band from the inn.

The band had joined together in mourning, knowing that this was to be the day that they would lose Charles forever.

When the servant came to give them the news there was immediate good cheer.

"Wait," said Pickles, ever the sensible one, comparatively speaking I mean. "The demon knows what you look like; she will never let you back in."

So they concocted a plan and dressed like corpse to avoid detection. Within the hour they were before the wedding party, ready to play. Across the crowded room Nathan caught his first glimpse of Charles awake. He hoped the prince had some sort of plan because the most they could come up with was to play loud obnoxious music and hope for the best. With no sign from the prince, in fact he didn't even seem to be in the room anymore, they began to play.

The more refined members of the audience seemed to cringe but the servants and the younger guest enjoyed it. Before they could finish the first song they heard a familiar howl. Back in the woods their playing had always had a way of upsetting the local wildlife, but playing in the royal place they hadn't thought it would be an issue. From an open door in the back came a pack of gray wolves. They ran into to room sniffed the air and zeroed in on something tasty. The wolves circled the demon bride then lunged. They rip out her throat, tore her limb from limb and feasted on her spilt entrails. The wedding party screamed and tore into each other in their haste to escape. Children were trampled. Dresses were torn. The cake, displayed on a table waiting for the end of the ceremony when the newlyweds would cut it, toppled and suffocated a nearby chef. And all the while the music played on.

Eventually the room cleared out of all but the dead and the musicians. Entering from the same door as the wolves, the prince surveyed the damage. As his eyes passed over the pile of bones and viscera that were to have been his wife, the toppled cake, the broken furniture, they locked on to Nathan's. Running toward his long lost love he threw his arms around him and reunited at last in the light, they kissed. Murderface pretended to gag in the background, but no one paid him any mind.

"What the hell just happened?" Nathan asked.

"Well, you see boys, knowing that whenever you used to play back in the woods the number of unprovoked wolves attacks rose and knowing that demons smell faintly of roasted flesh, I thought I'd pay my old pet yard wolves a visit and let them out for one last romp around the court yard. It's entirely not my fault they escaped the court yard, found their way into the banquet hall and tried to eat the most delicious smelling thing in the room." The band surveyed the damage around the room. Clearly Charles was not a man to be trifled with. "But anyway, you found me!"

Charles kissed Nathan again to express his joy.

"Right. But it was like really hard, so don't leave me again."

Charles promised that once found, he was found for good and the wedding was called off due to death. The band moved in to the royal place where they never ran short on booze and they all lived happily ever after except for the occasional stupidity related accident or wolf attack.


End file.
